no we are not. I have not emptied from within. From the story which is running in the head.
story in the head
in the brain after reading the whats app message:
Mai inni powerful cheez haygaa, kay bas meri ek drawing tay tu khatam
mai bahut powerful haygaa, meri inni following hagyee hai
mai kissi tau nahi dardaa, na maut tau, na arrest tau
mai tainu jail kara kay rava ga, tay khud vi jail java ga
meray kol aiseyaa teri galaa haigyiay kay bas tu puch na.
These are the stories running in the head. which have no basis. they start and end, then again start. This was triggered post reading a whats app message. Filled with emotions i narrate this visual out. My whole body is in a state of emotions. It is going through an outpour and I can not grab someone and just say I am going through this.
The reason of the story in my head is that the other person is hurting me. I am in pain. So i am suffering loss of something. It is a tension of what the other has and I am not being given my possession. I need it and i am deprived of it. So i am saying in punjabi, my mother tongue in a revenge mode that, if this is how you wish to treat me, then i will damage your reputation. In our society, we have reputation of being a good citizen in the society. I will expose your goodness, that you are not good. I am prepared to provide harm to this person by the means of exposure. Exposing the falsehood which is covered under the darkness of the Truth hood. There is no such word as truth hood but it’s the opposite of falsehood.
Once i have exhausted this story in the head. I am back to work on my working table. Before reading the message, i was working on my working table. I read the message and then got into the STORY IN THE HEAD mode. It played out its Instagram REEL like behaviour. Once finished. I went back to my coffee cup and the working desk.
As you can make out till this point, I had no intention of actually doing this in real life at this stage but i am starting to think of it and the experience of the Reel in the head is real. It means I can do it. I need to get back to work and complete the pending assignments.
What actually happens
As the day progresses. I do not remember the content of the story which i played out from my head. I receive a phone call few days later giving me clarification of the whats app message. I receive information through voice that the other side is in extreme pain. It is an unbearable pain. And it has been going on for the exact duration as mine. Because I am suffering, the other side is suffering even more. It is now more than mine. More than my pain means “someone is suffering because of me. If i let go, or make it any less, or relax, or loosen this tension, then the same will happen for the other.”