niqaab is to cover up. Not in any religious tone i write, i write with the essence of hiding, covering up, chup jaana, chupaa dena. All covered. everything hidden but i will do be- niqaab of the veiled mind.

niqaab mai hai mera man,

aaj mainay tumhay dekha nangaa

thora sa…

I found garbage bag on my stair case again, put by the family who stay on the first floor. a packet all locked up, plastic bag filled with garbage. and on this basis, the police complain was filed 3 years back in 2019. today when i saw it, i was heading to the airport, and with a hand luggage in my right hand with due support from the left hand. i was basically ALL TIED UP.

In the taxi on the way to the airport i was thinking what could be a positive solution to address this. we dont want to stay in the same home fighting over issues which can be resolved through talking. So mind began creating visuals, small clips of happenings where this matter is being addressed and being resolved or reaching new conclusions.

But what is interesting is that when i reached the airport, i was heading towards 27 B as the boarding gate for my flight to mumbai on 11th feb, 2022 that i saw two sikh gentleman sitting with the covid protocol masks. And i passed them and this is where one of them entered the visual mind and mixed right into the story of the garbage issue. this person was with me, hands folded meeting the first floor family and resolving this matter through peaceful means of talking. I saw this and realised that…

we just pick up things from what we see and they go right into the visual story telling which we are doing at all times. something or the other is always running. But I SAW THIS !!!!

i could not believe that the story in my head is as unreal as it can be. It is like a projection which picks up content based on my head content. and keeps building on it. But to see it was another experience. And my visual was so real. I believed in it and felt the emotions of it also. Reality to dreams to dreams to reality. from 2 d drawing to 3 d drawing to 2 d drawing.

from the sketch which is flat to the illusion of depth in that paper, to experiencing 3 d drawing which is depth in the physical space unlike the paper space. from reality of a visual running in the head to discovering its falsity as a reality.

what would merleu ponty say on this ? wouldnt he question perception, imagination and the state of mind ? merleau ponty is matar paneer. I am shahi paneer. Lets go and get some chicken tikka roll. what say ?

but how can i forget to tell you of my anxiety of just trying to book a seat on this TATA vistara flight. i just could not get a seat. i was trying for 3 days just to get a seat. It is so pathetic how just something in front of you, as basic as a window seat took over me. It ate me up from withing like a lioness biting into me and puncturing my lungs and waiting that i stop moving so that she can rip into me completely. How could i forget that before the garbage incident, this was occuring. and it does not stop there. packing the luggage. what goes in and what i might forget, the number of underwears for each day and the toilet roll that i should not forget. i also did not share with you that i could not sleep the whole night. how from 12 am, it became 3 am, to 5 am to 6 am to 8 am and that fear of that dreaded headache. this is not normal way of living i tell you.

i am sunny you know…

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