Day 1

day 1 is the story of someone creating an issue for me, it may seem like an issue for me. And it revolves around garbage. provoking maybe through trash. it is day 1 of this incident. and maybe this incident is in my head only and nothing more. That is why the title is Day 1.

Yesterday i left my home with this thought and in the Auto it stayed with me till i reached work. I reached work which i do by the afternoon only.

At night, in the dream, this person who is, i am only assuming walks up the stair cases and enters my home with a gift of some sort, to share something. I am sitting in the stair case with my chair and table and i do apologise and move my chair to let this person pass through.

it is a peaceful event. there is no conflict. I am in the Dream mode only.

During the day yesterday

It was not that i tried to stop this thought. I made no attempt. I was in the Auto and thoughts were being energised. Not just this but other conflicts were 100 percent on. All i had to do was experience each one of them. Some were through phone calls I made. Some were exchange of whats app messages. Some were me thinking over them.

I was at my working desk. This is a creative space where i draw, create art related objects, talk to people, chat, laugh, giggle excessively, see things, see people, their moving bodies because my pillar and table don’t move so I see anything which moves.

Today was a different moment. I was doing online banking and was experiencing a new bank interface. It had a bad habit of asking for an OTP at everything. The thought of the trash event had lessened but would arise with visuals of extreme measures, or measures which were searching for solutions. The solutions were seeking law enforcement help, of court matters, of sharing this pain with others, of shaming the other.

The mind generated solutions which were reporting the complain, raising it up with immediate effect. I have a mother to attend to who is a hypertensive person with co-morbidities. She has been operated with a lung operation and of lately has uncontrollable stubborn blood pressure problem. The body is not moving much also as more and more time is on the bed.

Still the mind was not being fearful. Enough ! it said, we will not tolerate any intolerance of things which provoke us, create tension. But the dream was different. It gave a solution which is unparalleled in nature. It did not create Law, Justice solutions. It was as if not this mind working which works in the day which knows legal ways of thinking and identifies pain, suffering, humiliation, insult, ego pain etc. It knows it, feels it, reacts to it and makes me realise, this is not how things were 10 years ago. I was a much happier care free person then. So what happened now ? what have I become aware of now which was earlier then ?

And also this care free person ? is this because i did not have problems coming my way and when they did, they changed me over the due course of time ? Yes. It changed my personality. It made me the soldier in the pit. To fight a war. But dreams are different spaces.

Of Dreams

in this dream, the very person with whom conflict is shaping up so strongly takes a un imagined position. I can not imagine this because my conflicted mind responds with a visual which is charged to resolve my pain. I am hurt and so there fore my mind gives solutions. But here some other part of the same mind let a solution…maybe solution i not the right word, it showed me something. It showed me something happening and i saw it. I was witness to it. Because i saw my self sitting also.

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