i did not lie

I met my physician in the Elevator. He was not talking to me. i tried but he would look the other way. This was part of a dream. Actually he had misdiagnosed my mothers health condition. What was a tumour growing in the body was now taken as a sleeping problem, a psychotic problem of the mind, that all her issues were made up. stomach pain, loss of appetite…everything.

so the doctor came in my dreams. It was only the two of us. A light blue coloured interior elevator. He was holding a bag and i would look at him, but he would not look at me. he would never lift his eyes up at me.

these two images constitute, show two sides of the same paper cut out which is pasted on the pillar and creates a semi circle. I am dreaming and remembering my dreams. And, i am sitting and working on my laptop, and in the drawer, i am looking at material and the material looks at me.

And I paste the material ( left over parts from cut paper ). And put it across the pillar. It forms a semi circular line and makes me feel better. I breathe better. I have changed the shape of the pillar. (not really). But i feel the change at least in those moments. Because a change did happen. Earlier it was a pillar with straight lines running vertically. And now it has an open belly.

I think i know how it functions and this theory needs to be tested out:

  1. When we look at something, and we understand drawing to be as: where we will draw a line with whatever material at hand.
  2. The material which lies ahead of you and the physical space generate a response and use you as a mediator between the two.

In another dream, i was maybe showing my works, and someone came in between and said, pointillism is no longer relevant. That it is outdated so i should talk about something else. i didn’t understand. Because i was talking about pointillism only. And i replied by saying, that it is ok. I can still talk about drawing even if pointillism is something no one does. Some sort of fear maybe ?


Souza, the artist had a trunk full of drawings. That is what we all need. We should buy a trunk and fill it with drawings. Souza died and i will not lie to you. irrespective of what I have written so far in this article, staring from a dream, then this installation I am working on to Souza, i must tell you this that I am not lying when i say this, the reality is in the image where Souza faces two heart attacks in a day in a hospital in mumbai and is being taken in a Casket. Souza, the artist did not see this image. Ironically we can not see the image which forms when we are being buried, cremated. Souza only saw it to the point when he recovered from his first heart attack. The second that evening left him dead. But we can see that photograph of him being taken in a casket for a burial.

So I AM NOT LYING TO YOU when i say that all of this shapes up what i might do, draw. The cut out was put up on the wall creating a semi circular line on the pillar after my recent trip to goa, buying a book on Souza and reading it in the morning, with this thought of after death, and reaching the place of work while i had the dream of the doctor and pointillism in the morning. That whatever we do in action reflects, or has a flavour of our state of mind which built up of what we are thinking which is again influenced by our thoughts, ideas, emotions, memories, dreams, and recent events etc. And on top of all this, we have the physical material. The pillar and the paper.

I’m not lying to you I swear 🙏🏽❤️

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