Frustration

frustration is a key word which sums up the relationship between what we are doing and where it often leads us to. I often wake up and before writing, drawing, reading, doing a work, i have to go through the fears, anxieties passing through my mind as a movie being played in the morning. I let it pass, and then i start to do what i want to do.

Same goes with drawing out. On the table that i sit to work, i don’t draw. It is a Cartridge sheet beneath my laptop. I write down things that i have to do, and then a drawing may come its way as an in between process. But what the large sheet of paper does is, it allows free marks to manifest which can not in a sketchbook. It is like I am drawing on my table. The surface of my table. I don’t draw because i want to draw. But i record the movement of my hand, the tension which comes with it. So i keep releasing it out. It is the motion of my arms, and then a drawing with figures, a story pops out, or a prototype of something comes out. It is being released like chemicals release themselves in the form of gas. I have to function, in some way or the other, like I am formula which lets out toxins, perfume, smells, sounds, text, line.

Let me give you and example along with an image of the table where I am working.

working space – Okhla phase 2 studio space. Nov, 2021. Dedicated Desk.

You see, drawings as notes, my mask to save me from covid, three dimensional drawings which are works maybe, or are prototypes to something or resemble my exercise of being at work, from drawings which are ideations to works themselves start to occur. Here, what is to note is: DRAWING AS A WORKING SPACE. So to see, drawing as a working space where nothing is called as a final drawing, or a beginning of a drawing, but the working space itself, bringing in the idea of site again. It is here and will never change its place.

I started from frustration. I am met with it, but i am a small fragment of the working space itself.

The Drawing as a working space is also, a space which is constantly changing. The older marks get erased, things are moved around, shifted, removed and a blank slate and again i start building it. So this photograph shared is only a stage of the drawing. So how will we view this work since it is not a fixed drawing and it does not build up to anything. I can clean my table at any moment and there would be nothing there and then start a fresh with something.

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