emotional pajama

everyone has wishes, everyone has a mind which takes them on a trip.

This post and a drawing which accompanies it reflects that only.

I take an hour to set myself for a Zoom talk with a friend. And the zoom which lasts for an hour or so, takes me down a very interesting set of emotions. These emotions are experiencing the pain of someone layered with my pain.

I think we don’t know what it means to be in pain, or the nuances of pain, which we are all experiencing at all times. Its just that we may not realise we are in pain at all times. It is a healthy pain. It has emotions.

In the zoom call, which happens with a friend in the midst of lockdown, Covid and the summer which is coming to delhi very soon. We are in the middle of April.

What sets me thinking and writing this post is the range of emotions we experience when we see someone speak. When the other asks a question, when the other pauses to listen to a reply. There are so many sounds in these silent moments. I realised that every emotion let out is like perfume with a colour let out into the sky.

Collision of worlds, as said by my friend. Collision of energies.

What i noticed was that we usually say what we want to. Its like mixing flour with water. It will only produce DOUGH and not a table lamp. It is its natural phenomena. Of matter to produce a certain effect only. Water and flour will not lead to fire cracker but dough. And this dough once placed on tawa will only make something we can eat and it will digest. we will do potty.

I wanted to ask !

you should say it !

two of these sentences were like waves, letting a flow of words with emotions, creating subtle sensitive meanings.

a mix of words, silence, agreeing, understanding, holding breath, breathing out, breathing in ( now i am curious of the range of the breath we experienced ) went on.

In these meetings, we have to, or we let go of our river of thoughts running otherwise in our heads. the rivers are still flowing, but they dont flow for sometime that is. And the more intense the conversation, the more our breathing will. change and the more raging the rivers will come back i feel.

but after the meeting i walked out, with current river of thoughts having a very different meaning. I felt as if emotions are like a slide. When they come, just slide. I slided with a face, with a voice and words which came my way.

And at one time, i could let go of all this. My friend mentioned something about the nature of things being transient. The reference was to the face and i saw myself let go of something.

As we neared the end of the Zoom call, which was a peak into someone’s home. I was able to see the whole room where my friend was situated. A zoom tour within a zoom call. Inside the rabbit hole, you see another hole.

I was wearing a black shirt, a red striped tie and pajamas. I also wanted to my room, but realised half of the bed sheet was missing, there were walls with peeled paint, a floor due for cleaning, almirahs which dont shut themselves as doors need repair and me sitting cross legged on a dining chair with a cushion which died a decade ago. My room needed repairs. The other room was beautiful. It made me feel like an emotional pajama.

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