To see how we think is really important,
how we live out our lives.
what we really feel and what we fail to convey in messages.
The Gap that is.
D for Dahanu is one such story.
I sit down to plan a trip to Dahanu. but i sit down with myself and this is where the fun, the reality really is. It is untold, it always remains a secret, it is my current nature of thinking, of seeing things and it will tell you about where i struggle, where i don’t know what i am doing.
Dahanu is a town somewhere in Maharashtra. All i know in my head vision is that i will take a taxi, a cab to this Island and i will land on a Cafe to have coffee. No I will take the local train from Mumbai and reach here and It will take me 2 hours as i google, do mental mapping. It’s one hour something on the internet, it says from Mumbai to Dahanu. I will take the 10 am flight, no i will take the noon flight and get there by 3 pm. I can get up by 7 am and it takes me 2 hours to get ready and 2 hours waiting at the airport where i will read the newspaper, have coffee and draw seeing the airplanes and then watch the landscape of greenery on my way from the airport to the Dahanu in the taxi. No, for that i should not take the noon one, let’s take the 10:30 am flight and a good flight. It should be T3 Indira Gandhi International Airport and Vistara Airlines. I deserve the best airline. No indigo shindigo. No red one, local spice jet. Only the Best. Jet airways sank, my travel points sank, so Vistara it shall be.
So i will take the morning flight. It’s confirmed. I will not book the seat near the wing. So do i need covid test. Ok so 2-3 days go on googling Covid test, Can i just fly in and they do it on the airport and then i am thinking i don’t want a person coming in with a PPE kit to my home. So i walk into a walk-in covid test centre. And get the test done. I get a RT PCR done. this means I AM GOING TO MUMBAI.
Then again i start the same thing. Now I have landed in Mumbai in the head, do i take the train or the taxi, do i take the night taxi and get there at 2 am in the night. But then i miss the landscape, the greenery of the road to Dahanu. And the cafe will not be open at 2 am. Which hotel to stay in? Do i go and stay inside the power station ? No not a good idea. Will they ask for my Covid Certificate. Yes, I have it, valid for 72 hours. I must go now.
Days are passing by. I am still in Delhi, D for Delhi but i want the other D. If it takes me 2 hours of waiting time in the airport and 3 hours in the taxi from Mumbai airport to Dahanu and 1 hour from home to the airport and about 2 hours of flight time, then am i doing too much back and forth for God Sake ??
Let’s take the train. Ok google search brings me to Paschim express. And from Amritsar to delhi to a stop at Dahanu road and i start crying. This is it. 2 minutes of stopping and you get down to meet D. D is where everything is.
It’s that simple. I start crying and crying does not stop. So i try booking this rail ticket online. I am dreaming of getting off in those two minutes of waiting time at Dahanu Road and a peaceful sleep in the train over night. Then i come to know, that COVID has led to the termination of this train. I search for other trains. Some stop at Borivali. Then from there the internet shows it’s 111 km. I have lost it by now in the head. Dahanu is just so far away. I stayed in Kharghar and a taxi from mumbai airport to kharghar took almost two hours but kharghar as i googled it is 50 km. DAMN. Dahanu is far. Just one day trip and one night stay and next. night i am back in delhi is what I was planning in the head. My mind could not visualize anything what would happen in Dahanu. It was doing non stop travel from my home to Dahanu. Sometimes early morning flights, sometimes a late night flight.
Two weeks of planning or maybe more. And i reach no where. I am still in D for Delhi but i wanted to get to D. D for Dahanu so badly in a very calm and peaceful way as emotions are so deeply connected with this journey, but situations are not in my hands or feet. I get tired easily. I have too many problems at hand and i can only do planning so much. After that the plan should happen. How much can you think of buying mangoes. In the end you want to eat the mango and be at rest.
I give up tonite. Its april 5, 2021.
But i have questions ? when we want to go, why don’t we just go? maybe because D is not ready ? and it’s not right to go when D is not ready ? D here is Dahanu. Dahanu, the land should be ready to receive me. But the question remains, why don’t we just go? What are these mental resistances which come in? which keep you thinking of options, that you are preparing for something, that it should build up, and then it will happen on its own?
But then I am not suppose to die any moment now ? I mean isn’t death just around the corner for all of us? So why do we hold back. Why do we balance so much. I mean we are not an airplane which needs to balance its wings to fly. Our Sky is different? No ?
Maybe because i wear a pajama.