Fear

last night, i could not prepare my mind to be part of the conversation the next morning, as fear eroded my mind. Not only fear, but the projections took over. And I realised a fascinating way of seeing the Mind. That if you lose focus of a certain activity as other thoughts take over, then you lose it the next day.

This means, to hold and working on it a day prior for the next day. So the next day is something which can slip, and or you can hold it. This means, there are never days. Only a day and a night before. A play of preparation for the subsequent morning of the day and then the day.

Yes, there are never days, and only a day, but days also, as my organs are working non stop and are getting older, dying every moment, but working. To know this, makes you experience the internal parts of the body, the heart, the vital organs, muscles, blood, bones, vision.

I missed a night, as everything was planned for the next day, but i could not hold it. Fear took over.

I write now as night has set it. The day has been filled with rains and the nation outraged in battles of violent debates. I washed my hair to lighten myself, combed it and prepared myself today to find years of research on Drawing and what could be a beginning point of conversation with participants for a workshop.

Surprisingly, only those notes made sense where i had left underlined marks on the pages of the books. It was really easy to read them. The pen lines helped me recall what had created interest for me.

I realise, only distance from things makes it possible to increase the workload. This means, i am now making drawings to communicate with other people, yet the content of the drawing is words being spoken through lines but only in a suggestive, non imposing way. This helps in not engaging too close, keeping a space of the mind free to do other things.

In the end, emptiness remains, and only then we have a possibility of going back to a sentence, or a word, re listen to it, re read it and grasp its meaning. Meanings are not complex.

Words, meaning, Drawing.

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