Anxiety 

It is a state of this month. No sleep but anxious moments of working. The city is grey at all times. It has no sun or night but a grey state of mind. And today was no different. The coffee tasted like soup, or boiled water, milk i can not tell. The chair or the corner where i work was the same. Brown polished wood with imprints of nails. A stupid idea by the interior designer but it works in a coffee shop which relies on idiots to design and create an atmosphere. 

I am not an idiot but its grey so i cant feel a thing. Since the month of August i have cut off from the world. Now i am in anxiety September. 

My way to and way back from the coffee shop are same. Its the same route, parking space, shop, home, bed i sleep. The fan is always on speed 3. I am alone always and the net has to keep working for me to survive. 

After exhausting my failure on the laptop. I was trying stupid attempts to search for opportunities in a country. In the grey mood i found inaccessibility. This pushes you away and you can’t enjoy food. Food is delicious but not in this neutral color tone. 

After the failed moments i got up and paid the bill. My wallet was below the bill amount. I didnt have the date and fig cake but only coffee. Then a small paper from my brown envelope in my black and ugly bag took my attention as i drew on 6 by 7 in sheet of paper. I was angry so i ran with bizzare thoughts. I expressed all i could, shuving everything into each other. 

Drawing therefore could be unlayering. But its far more complicated. 

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