Continued from the previous post  ” the flyover ”

I had reached the bottom of the flyover. The street lights were not working. I had made up my mind of not taking a left into the hospital. From this street light, the area was divided into two parts. The left was the main hospital building and the right was the OPD wing. It was better to head to the OPD (out patient department). I was hoping the doctors would still be there.

The left meant a straight entry into the in escapable EMERGENCY WARD. My state of panic, anxiety reached another high. I had seen over the past two decades, what goes on in there. My father not being well, often could not escape this option. It was the only way to save a life. The hospital follows a clear cut protocol of putting you on all type of monitoring devices. These monitoring devices then go haywire. Then this team of doctors change roles, become aggressive. They now have the right to tear, puncture, beat, and revive you…even if the heart has stopped pumping. They know the right arteries, injections. They form a huddle to save you.

the trembling of the hands I had read as a tremor. A mis sequence of the brain, a nervous breakdown. The anticipation of death was that very soon all the lights would shut. I imagined everything shutting down. And an explosion, where a star explodes.

The metro construction would not allow an immediate right, which meant to drive to the end of the road and take a U turn. I remember saying to myself – ‘I can’t control this situation…now i know how it feels for the other…’

I entered and parked my car. There was an urgency to rush to the first floor and seek a confirmation. A first time registration, a long wait, frequently wasting plastic cups for water, I awaited my turn for the stethoscope to determine the state of the heart. It’s crazy to not know what is going on with the body.