To animate

To animate, sitting in a cafe, shifting between an I pad application, drawing on paper, forcing the lines, reminded of the dead bumble bee at home, how the insect, bird, flying creature could not break through the window. It somehow became a way of finding an energy, something dead, and I am rigorously drawing its wings on the screen. Medium does not exist when such force arrives.

It can not exist, I could not differentiate between the paper and the screen, smudging my finger across the screen as if it was a pen, my stylus pen yet to be purchased I was tearing away on the surface of the screen, almost to knock it off its stand. Similar the energy of the paper, swirling the pen on paper. The bee is not there but I can not forget its form lying there on the last square glass, as if it gave up a fight by the morning. Why? Why could it not break through from there, so could I do the same… Can I somehow break through it through the drawing, am I keeping something alive which is not there…

I drew this bird many times, as if tiring myself in the process, as if I can not draw its wings any more, as if I must go on so till I also die in the process trying something.

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